Alright, so not every relationship disaster can be traced back to this. However, a lot of them can.
Our society seems to have this idea that instead of being individuals, people are grouped into two categories: male and female. There are offshoot categories, as well, but those are not the ones I am talking about today. They can fit into what I'm talking about, though.
Human beings, while we are male or female, we are still all individuals. What causes a lot of confusion seems to be men wanting to figure women out and women wanting to figure men out and neither knowing how or being successful. Men don't know what to do to "make a woman happy" in a relationship, and a lot of women don't know what to do to keep their men "happy" in a relationship.
I think that often times this can be figured out a lot more easily than one might think. Stop thinking of your SO in terms of having one brain with all of his or her gender. Women do not all share a collective brain, and neither do men. Men and women are individuals. What makes one woman happy, very well might irritate another woman.
For example, the idea that chivalry is dead. A lot of women are upset with this idea, because a lot of women like for the man to be chivalrous. However, there are just as many women who do not like it when a man is chivalrous at all. Others are content with some form of happy medium.
This is not because women share a collective mind, it isn't because women are hormonal, it isn't because women can't MAKE UP their minds. It is because women are individuals.
Men are the same way. They are individuals. They don't have a lack of hormones, they don't have a lack of feelings, they don't share a collective mind. They are individuals. Sometimes, the way they act can be attributed to society's idea of how a man should act (and women are susceptible to the same kind of societal conditioning), and sometimes simply by the area they live in. But, they are not all the same.
I see too many posts on Xanga, especially on Datingish and Lovelyish talking about men or women in a collective sense, rather than an individual sense. Which is really the sense that we need to be talking about them in, on either side.
If you want to find out what makes your woman happy, then get to know her as an individual. That is the fastest and the best and the most accurate way to figure out how to understand her, how to help her be happy and how help her grow as a person.
And if you want to know how to make or keep your man happy, women just think of them on an individual level. Get to know them as an individual so that you can understand them better and then you will understand better what will make and keep them happy, and help him grow as a person as well.
It will definitely take work, but it is worth it and you will both have a stronger bond, as well.
To me, this is very simple. But, apparently, to some people it almost seems like rocket science. I can't imagine why. I guess, society likes to group us off and we just follow along. But, we need to stop this. Getting to know each other as individuals is really what is going to stop the major amount of relationship problems that I keep hearing about and seeing.
No, it is not a quick fix. And no, it will not help every problem and doing this will not help every relationship to be successful. But, it might help a lot of people experience longer-lasting, more comfortable and more enjoyable relationships.
Comments (6)
You really need to submit these recent 3 entries to be featured.
@Coffee_Kaioken@xanga - You think so? I figured they would just cause a lot of arguing if I submitted them.
@tracezilla - That's exactly what I was afraid of when I submitted my He's-Just-Not-That-Into-You-rebuttal, and I got about 10 comments saying that I wanted women to do more work so we could just sit back, or that women are liars and that's why we have to play their games, and then I got 190 comments saying that my post was awesome, people loved it, etc. -
You will always be paranoid about submitting stuff that is feature-worthy, and part of that is I think you're afraid it will succeed - you're AWARE that it'll get a lot of attention and succeed.
I would do it. Besides, I don't think you'll get any (if much...) negative attention - you've written your views VERY maturely, VERY wisely, and THAT's respectable.
@Coffee_Kaioken@xanga - Lol, well okay. I'll give it a shot. :) Thanks!
I know this in my mind, people are all individuals all different and unique and I love it. Yet, I still find myself grouping people, especially into the male female groups. I hate grouping people into little boxes of preconcieved notions, and I hate it being done to me, I hate it, but I still catch myself doing it. I still have some growing up to do. @Coffee_Kaioken@xanga - By the way, I submitted this post to be featured. It's really good and I think others will agree. You can go HERE to vote for it.
@tsh44@xanga - Yes, its very easy to do and even I catch myself doing it. But, I make sure that when I do catch myself, I stop and correct it. Its a tough habit to break!
And thank you! I submitted it, as well, earlier, since I told AJ that I would. :p It isn't so scary to submit posts to places like Datingish after all. Even if I get somebody who takes it way too personally. oo;