The other day I was talking about women and how they can be so self-righteous sometimes that men are put off from even trying to talk to them, or show any real interest, in hopes that they will come out with the egos and bodies unscathed. As some women can be very violent both emotionally and physically when they do not want to deal with a man's cheesy pick-up lines.
Today, I am going to talk about the flip side of things. Men are not always very gracious about being turned down, after all. Which, I can understand in a way. Women don't like to be turned down, and neither do men. Especially, if they've only just gotten the courage to come up to someone and tell them how they feel.
However, men can be downright rude and arrogant, as well. Often times, when a man comes up to a girl in a social setting and asks her out, whether he actually asks her out, gives her his number, or gives her a stale pick-up line, when he is shot down he will become rude.
By rude, I mean they have to attack the girl for it. Usually, this is a verbal attack of some kind. Either he insults her looks or her personality, or he calls her a lesbian or dyke.
I have to say, this is probably just due to the guy having a bruised ego. However, I have to take this moment to say that it just makes the guy look even
more pathetic. As if getting shot down by a hot girl wasn't enough, he has just shown how pathetic he is by verbally attacking the girl for it and/or alluding to the idea that a girl would not want to turn him down if she was into guys. Which makes him sound beyond arrogant, because it makes it seem as if he thinks he is God's gift to women.
Which doesn't endear him to
any woman. It just makes him look sad and pathetic, because he obviously can't handle it when a girl says she's not interested.
And, its true, some women can be pretty mean when they tell a guy that they aren't interested in their advances (see part one of this post), but some women experience this kind of a reaction from men even when they were trying to be polite about saying they weren't interested.
Some guys really just can't take no for an answer, though, and refuse to listen. So, some girls really do feel the need to be a little more aggressive with these guys just to get their point across that they are not interested and it doesn't matter how many tired pick-up lines you use, how long you stick around, or how thick you lay on the charm, we are just not going to be interested. Sorry, buddy.
I can understand how it could be pretty nerve racking in the first place to go up to a girl and then get shot down. Whether she is nice about it or not, but just a word of advice to the guys: it doesn't make you look any better to be rude to her once she's done it.
The best thing to do is keep your dignity intact, walk back to your table or wherever you were before, and get on with your night. Even if you don't feel up to asking any other women you may have thought were attractive, its best to maintain your dignity in this sort of situation.
Now, I've mentioned how verbally assaulting a woman just makes you look like a dick to everyone around, even other guys. Except perhaps your buddies, but probably them too. They just don't want to say so, because they probably understand you lashed out over a bruised ego.
I also want to mention that there really are some guys who
will physically assault a woman for turning them down. Its not just something you see on LifeTime movies that doesn't really happen in real life without the dramatization of Tinsel Town.
Some men will attempt an assault right there in the social setting, they will get so angry over their bruised ego and things not going their way, and how dare that girl not think he's good enough to date/go home with/etc., and have to be told to leave the establishment or at least go back to his table. Or feel what it's like to have a knee to the groin. In
that situation, I fully condone kneeing a guy in the jewels.
Others will wait until the girl goes to her car and then try to start something. These guys don't all turn out to be rapists and axe murderers, but they are scary and they are real. And women have to worry about this when they go out for a night on the town, whether they're looking to be picked up or not.
It is never okay, no matter who you are, to humiliate somebody when they have done nothing wrong to warrant it. Turning you down at a bar after you've asked them out is not one of the situations when it is okay to humiliate someone. And neither is it okay to humiliate someone over trying to pick you up.
Likewise, it is never okay to physically injure someone when the situation doesn't warrant it. A guy giving you a pick-up line, or a girl turning you down, are not situations when this is okay.
You should only use physical force when you are truly in fear of immediate bodily harm or death. The guy standing over you or leaning next to you and wanting your number or wanting to give you his is not a good reason. And the girl telling you no, she is just not interested and would you please go away now, is not a good enough reason.
The only thing it is going to get you in these situations is either a terrible reputation or a trip to the county lock-up and/or a lawsuit.
And nobody needs that hassle.
There is no reason to call a girl a dyke just because she won't go home with or date you. It just makes you look like a pathetic loser.
Everyone needs to just maintain their own personal dignity and leave well enough alone. If she doesn't want you to pick her up, then just walk away. It makes you look awesome, even though you got shot down.
Anyone can take anyone to court, and in the event that your transgression occurred in a public setting, there is no end to how many witnesses the wronged person might have who are willing and able to testify against you. I just wouldn't try it.
Then again, anyone who would overreact for either of these reasons in such a way, is probably doing everybody else a favor. Why? They are showing us what kind of people they really are, and giving us prime examples of the types of people to stay away from.
But, that doesn't mean we should have to put up with it. People who do this need to know it isn't okay and it doesn't matter what gender you are. If you do crap like this, you really just should not get away with it and if you do, you should count yourself very, very lucky. And I wouldn't count on that luck not running out. You just never know when you will mess with the wrong person and they will not have any qualms about teaching you a lessons via the court system.
Comments (2)
We forget that women still have to worry about being assaulted or raped in a parking lot when they walk alone to their cars, or even embarrassed. Most of the time, because they are the ones sitting back and waiting for the men to come to them, sometimes they will receive those who aren't so mature about it.
However, as mcmeister89 at mancouch once said, women also do that as well at times - call the guy gay/homosexual if he's NOT hitting on her, or verbally attack him behind his back/publicly, doing something. I notice you were using the example of men calling women lesbians/dykes from that article utoppia posted on datingish.
And it's as you said in part 1, but in this case, it'll apply to the men who are acting inappropriately: Sometimes they themselves need to be turned down a notch or two. And if a man physically assaults women simply for rejecting him or turning down his advances, you have my written word here that she has every right to physically do whatever she has to, to keep him off - whatever that be.
@Coffee_Kaioken@xanga - Its easy to forget that women have to worry about that, especially if you aren't intending and never would intend to do that! :p
That is true, women do call guys gay if they aren't showing the "right amount" of attention to girls, or if they haven't seen the guy flaunting how much he likes women. But, I've actually heard less women do that than I've heard men call women dykes for not being interested.
Its true, I did get that from the post on Datingish, but it was just because that was a more recent post that reminded me of the issue. I've actually heard guys do that, myself. I usually just roll my eyes, because I know my own sexuality. :p If he needs to give himself an ego boost that way and make himself look like a douche in the process, let him have at it.
I agree, anyone acting like that needs to be taken down a notch or two, whether they are male or female. There is no gender excuse for being rude or violent, unless you are actually in the process of being assaulted. o.o;
Some guys are real douches, but so are some women. :p I don't know what possesses people to sometimes think they crap rainbows, but you get all kinds of people in social settings. :/